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Clear eyes, full hearts, etc. — AJD

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Hi, it’s me A.J., back from a brief hiatus. Thanks again to Ben TG for the fill-ins.

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Just to check in: A couple of weeks ago, I was rushing to CVS to get there before the pharmacy closed because my Lamictal was empty, and I never like to go to bed without it because I get too filled with fluttering, paranoid thoughts. I left my house at 5:40, one of those ten-minute drives that could sometimes take 15, but I was powerless. I had to deal with whatever happened and try not to fixate on the idea that if I don’t take my medication, I could be doomed to a long night worrying that I might kill myself. There was a long light on Franklin, a short one on Vine, and I was jogging through the parking lot with 8 minutes to spare I hoped but who knows if the pharmacists want to cut out early on a Saturday night and get loose.

On the way in, one man tried to flag me down for 50 cents, but I jogged on by him and told him I had no cash, which was completely true, and then on the way into the door, there was another man in a wheelchair who asked for anything I had to offer, and I told him the same.

There was no pharmacy line, and I got my Lamictal a few minutes before they pulled the big roll shade down at the pick-up window. What a miracle, I thought, even though it was a pretty ordinary occurrence that required no divine intervention other than mostly unobstructed traffic. But I was puffing with gratitude, so I decided to hit the ATM to take out a $20 bill before I left, so I could hook up the guys in the parking lot.

I paid my $3.50 transaction fee for the Citibank ATM, took my $20, grabbed a cheap, $1.25 water from the fridge, and waited in line near the front register behind a few other people. As I waited, I began to envision how amazing it was going to feel when I gave those two lucky fellas about $8 each. I was pretty sure the guy in the wheelchair would probably take the money, weep, grab my hand, pull me in for a hug. That would be okay. I’d let him hold me for a few seconds, but separate myself with intense eye contact as I moved on. “You have a good day now, sir.”