Oh this stuff takes so long. Close to 38 years after the event I saw a guy last week who'd been a powerful gatekeeper in a big workplace where I hit my rock bottom, here in Wellington, New Zealand. I was crushed by shame for decades, he became the leader of an imaginary group of folks who judged me. Meanwhile I got clean and sober and wrote nine brilliant books, all published. And so he bounces up to me, praises my work, tells me he gave one of my books to his grown up daughter. I'd waited so, so long for this moment. But the revelation was that I had meanwhile let it (and him), and all the fucking shame, go.
Strange turn of events for you! I can imagine that you didn't give a ton of thought into when he would die and how you might feel about it. Thanks for sharing your story of your amends to him, as well as the subsequent desire to 'pick the scab'. I'm in the middle of a similar situation where an awful boss but one I really respected is telling people that she fired me instead of that I quit, and I have such a huge resentment. I even 'slipped' the other day and texted her asking why she is saying that. No response. So now I'm fantasizing about sending her a text saying "I guess you want people to hate me as much as they hate you". I'll be 11 years sober next month and the titillation I feel over sending that is shocking...I think my sponsor would say that's not very good emotional sobriety!! Keep up the good, hard work...love your work.
You have taken what may have been your worst moment and transformed it into something of enormous benefit to others. The good that you created with TSB has helped mend a part of me that I didn't even know needed to be mended. This is a bit woo woo, but I believe that shit can heal generations (past and future). That is the alchemy of recovery.
You were the only person I wanted to read on him. Thank you for this. 💗
A lovely response. And I can’t wait for your book.
Thanks very much for sharing this AJ. I am very touched by your perspective and humility here. Lovely and perfect piece.
Thank you for sharing AJ. Was thinking about you a lot yesterday.
Oh this stuff takes so long. Close to 38 years after the event I saw a guy last week who'd been a powerful gatekeeper in a big workplace where I hit my rock bottom, here in Wellington, New Zealand. I was crushed by shame for decades, he became the leader of an imaginary group of folks who judged me. Meanwhile I got clean and sober and wrote nine brilliant books, all published. And so he bounces up to me, praises my work, tells me he gave one of my books to his grown up daughter. I'd waited so, so long for this moment. But the revelation was that I had meanwhile let it (and him), and all the fucking shame, go.
Strange turn of events for you! I can imagine that you didn't give a ton of thought into when he would die and how you might feel about it. Thanks for sharing your story of your amends to him, as well as the subsequent desire to 'pick the scab'. I'm in the middle of a similar situation where an awful boss but one I really respected is telling people that she fired me instead of that I quit, and I have such a huge resentment. I even 'slipped' the other day and texted her asking why she is saying that. No response. So now I'm fantasizing about sending her a text saying "I guess you want people to hate me as much as they hate you". I'll be 11 years sober next month and the titillation I feel over sending that is shocking...I think my sponsor would say that's not very good emotional sobriety!! Keep up the good, hard work...love your work.
I too thought of you when I first heard the news. I'm glad you've found some peace around it.
Beautiful
You have taken what may have been your worst moment and transformed it into something of enormous benefit to others. The good that you created with TSB has helped mend a part of me that I didn't even know needed to be mended. This is a bit woo woo, but I believe that shit can heal generations (past and future). That is the alchemy of recovery.
Wonderfully put, A.J. Thank you so much for sharing these moments (and continuing to share this journey) with us.
Thank you for sharing. Raw and real emotional sobriety right here.
I hesitated to reach out yesterday because I imagined you'd need a minute. This is so honest and beautifully said. Thank you. <3
Nah, you’re on the list of First Responders, so text at any time.
❤️
Likewise!
very well done
Thank you for this beautiful reflection. The embodiment of sobriety...I thought about you a lot yesterday.