I appreciate all of the contributions. Some of them resonated personally more than others, like the one about 2.5 years of unemployment (I'm right there with you). As I read these I notice in my head I'm thinking, "hey its probably not that bad for them. They are probably better than me." And I numb out and/or push it down just enough to let the feeling pass WITHOUT really feeling it. I KNOW this is all about me and not about them, all I know about them is a bit of text they've put above.
I'm writing this because I want to work through this reaction I'm having... what does it or could it mean? Could it be that:
- I'm uncomfortable with reading about discomfort and minimizing it? Because really I'm beginning to feel my own discomfort and my nervous system doesn't want to experience it so I numb it and/or push it down?
- I'm validating my own self-abandoning response towards difficulty by saying my situation is worse so I'm justified in what I'm doing?
- If I continue to feel the discomfort I'm going to go into shut down, and/or have to contemplate accessing my own healthy aggression?
Fuck, when am I going to stop doing this to myself?
@Small Bow - I humbly suggest that you number or identify each submission so they are easier to refer to in the comments... I wanted to reference a number of them but thought it might be convoluted.
Every time I try to search for on-line stuff relating to a hopeful future, Google keeps pulling up answers that use the word “post-apocalyptic” repeatedly.
I appreciate all of the contributions. Some of them resonated personally more than others, like the one about 2.5 years of unemployment (I'm right there with you). As I read these I notice in my head I'm thinking, "hey its probably not that bad for them. They are probably better than me." And I numb out and/or push it down just enough to let the feeling pass WITHOUT really feeling it. I KNOW this is all about me and not about them, all I know about them is a bit of text they've put above.
I'm writing this because I want to work through this reaction I'm having... what does it or could it mean? Could it be that:
- I'm uncomfortable with reading about discomfort and minimizing it? Because really I'm beginning to feel my own discomfort and my nervous system doesn't want to experience it so I numb it and/or push it down?
- I'm validating my own self-abandoning response towards difficulty by saying my situation is worse so I'm justified in what I'm doing?
- If I continue to feel the discomfort I'm going to go into shut down, and/or have to contemplate accessing my own healthy aggression?
Fuck, when am I going to stop doing this to myself?
@Small Bow - I humbly suggest that you number or identify each submission so they are easier to refer to in the comments... I wanted to reference a number of them but thought it might be convoluted.
Every time I try to search for on-line stuff relating to a hopeful future, Google keeps pulling up answers that use the word “post-apocalyptic” repeatedly.