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Emily Claire Baird's avatar

I think I found the small bow from this essay. It's perfect.

I spent my first sober NYE at home with my parents. I flew from rehab directly to their house for Christmas, desperately clutching a copy of the Four Agreements someone in rehab had given me. A man boarding the plane indicated he had the seat next to me and I had a complete panic attack because he was outrageously handsome - I usually got drunk on airplanes and tried to make out with whoever was next to me. He was very gracious with my insane awkwardness and asked me if there was a particular reason I was reading the book. I mumbled something about "taking a life class." He told me he was 5 years sober. We ended up having a great conversation and I did not get drunk and try to make out with him, and it felt like a great omen. Honestly I don't remember Christmas except that my parents took all the alcohol out of the house. I was mortified because I have two brothers who aren't alcoholics and I was ashamed they had to "suffer" because of my issues. I remember NYE. I spent it in bed with my parents. We all had pajamas on and watched a movie and I drank tea and was 5% proud of myself and 95% sure my life was over.

This NYE, 14 years later, I woke up (at my parent's house again for the holidays) to my 7 year old puking on me but I'm 100% sure I'm in the right place doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.

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Maggie MacMillan's avatar

Lovely, as always. Thank you for this offering ❤️

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