“I don’t have to become perfect. I just have to get up every day and do the work to get better.”
Sobriety
+5
A look back at another year of Sober Oldster questionnaires.
“I honestly cannot think of anything about being in recovery that is harder than not being in recovery.”
“It’s hard feeling isolated in a roomful of partying people, and the hilarious thing is that that’s my job.”
“When I was active, any stiff breeze, any mild bit of reversal, was enough to send me down into the narcissistic ball of pain. Now, mostly, I am just exceedingly glad still to be here.”
“I was definitely born with the ‘need.’ That urge to put something between me and living.”
“Not only do I reliably know where I am when I wake up, I never wake up in pools of vodka vomit anymore. It’s so bad for your skin, you know . . . very corrosive.”
“Like so many, I grew up with broken tools for relating to others, and alcohol became the way I learned how to do that.”
Poet
+6
“Life is so much simpler, in the best possible way. Nothing is perfect, but I can see things for what they are.”
“I used to be really funny and entertaining, to a certain point, when I was drinking. That is, until I got messy and repetitive and annoying.”
“Monstrous thoughts still form, but I recognize them and move quickly past. I no longer do terrible things to myself or others.”
“I’ve come to think of self-hatred as the addiction I’ve struggled with the most. It's the thing that will take me out.”
"For a little while it felt like I had figured it out, how to be both sober and to be fucked up. "
"I don’t think being in recovery is hard. I think life is hard, and there is real horror in understanding that drinking cannot actually alter reality."
"I had to learn how to be a grown-up—it didn’t help that I’d been a successful musician in a successful band throughout most of those years, which can be a very easy career to stay immature in."
"I am less of a child than I used to be. I rely less on other people to make a place for me in the world."
"The best things are not feeling ashamed, not having a hangover and not thinking about suicide."
One year of the Sober Oldster questionnaire.
"I had no idea, in my conscious mind, that I had a drinking problem. My shame was so profound that I was hiding reality even from myself—especially from myself. I get tired just thinking about it."
"I have come to realize that everybody on the planet is recovering from something. And deserves our compassion. It’s pretty much the human condition. All our secrets are the same."
"I hope that I’m able to listen and empathize and not be as solipsistic as I was when I was actively alcohol dependent."
"I am done with being cool. It's not all that."
"I have a way to deal with life’s problems, and friends who’ve known me a long time to give me support when I need it. I know it’s not for everyone, but it works for me."
A roundup of Sober Oldster collaborations.
+7
"I somehow managed to dislike myself intensely and simultaneously think that if only everyone saw everything as I did, most likely we’d spontaneously have world peace."
