Thanks to A.J. for asking me to fill in this week. If you’re interested in my work, I’m here. —Ben Gaffaney

Every morning this week I’ve awoken with anxiety. Once with a start following a tangible dream in which every door was locked; once in a fog so deep I couldn’t walk straight; once waking to a Metallic Clash so loud I thought the world had ended. I have that last dream a few times per year, but this week’s version shook me up, prompting me to grab my knees and hold my breath as long as possible, like transitioning to consciousness meant curing the hiccups.

I’ve read about Exploding Head Syndrome (EHS), but I blamed the Metallic Clashes of the past on the physical and mental toll of alcoholism. But after six years of sobriety, there hasn’t been any change in frequency, and it’s always the same Metallic Clash, so perhaps it’s just part of me now. I’m desperate to see the film Memoria, by Apichatpong Weerasethakul, in which Tilda Swinton’s character suffers from EHS. Weerasethakul himself has it, and the sound design of Memoria is intended to replicate his own EHS sensations. It’s a hard movie to see, since the director has refused to allow the film to be placed on streaming services. Without the auditory boom of a theater, what’s the point? How else can you tell people what you’re going through?