Before we get to Ben: the first Tuesday of the month is usually reserved for general check-ins, but this month we’re mixing it up and asking sober dog people to talk about the spiritual change of rescuing/being rescued by a dog. Did your dog become your Higher power? If you’ve lost one, how did you deal with the death of your dog in sobriety? Feel free to go a little longer this month, let’s say 350 words max. And pics too, if you can!

Send your submissions to: [email protected]

SUBJECT: MY DOG

We’ll run these on Tuesday, May 5th, so send them quick! All those who get published will receive a free month of a TSB paid subscription.

Thanks to A.J. for asking me to fill in this week. My non-TSB blog is here.

Once after work I stood in the gin aisle of Twin Liquors and cried because I was sure I couldn’t stop myself from buying the bottle. I knew I was going to do it, I knew which gin to buy, I knew which card to use — the one my wife didn’t know about, naturally — and my mind screamed, “I don’t want to do this.” I felt my perspective shift to the third person, a camera watching me like the saddest Sim in the world. I grabbed a bottle of Plymouth Gin because it had a nice balance of astringency and warmth, but also the bottle would fit into my Billykirk No. 95 Satchel without appearing to stretch the bag.

I’m telling you this for two reasons. First, the satchel remains my favorite bag of all time, and I recently filled it with a few slim books of poems to take from place to place with my notebook and a camera. I remembered that moment in Twin Liquors while debating whether to add a third book of poems, since the well-worn leather can stretch a lot if it can hold a fifth of gin.

Second, I recently threw my phone across the room and shouted, “STOP IT!” having checked it for no particular reason for the sixth time in what felt like a minute or two. I didn’t cry like I did in Twin Liquors, but I felt a similar shame, a similar powerlessness, a sense that I had no choice in whether to pick up my phone and ruin my mood.