Thanks to A.J. for letting me share this week. If you’d like more of what I do, I’m here, free to sign up with an email address.

I was in a real mood last week. I’m not prone to anger, but I do get avoidant, which can poison whole days, since connection tends to be the cure for whatever ails me. I was frustrated by the world at large and the drains of work on my time, which transmuted into frustration with coworkers and friends. I grew bothered that no one seemed to recognize how KIND and EMPATHETIC I am in every aspect of life, an asset to ALL your lives.

I’m mocking myself, but this is my usual clear path to resentment-town, and it’s often the starting point of a spiral. I don’t have the urge to drink, but I haven’t exactly repaired that mindset. I’ve learned to identify it and redirect, though, because feeling underappreciated has taken a lot away from me.

I’ve accidentally ended friendships because “I’m the one who always reaches out, so I’ll just wait for them.” When I was in high school, I wrote piano dirges with titles like “Have a Nice Life.” As a middle-aged man, it’s a song with the extended refrain, “A stranger’s a friend you’ve already lost.” It’s a lot of feeling and I’m prone to wallowing in it. I’m a classic Disorganized Attachment person who’d give up a toe for emotional connection, but I’ll cut a relationship off quickly if there’s too much risk that it won’t be reciprocated. At least I can count on myself to make me feel bad about myself.