There’s this poem called “There Comes the Strangest Moment” by Kate Light that I love, and one I have featured many times on TSB before, but I especially dig these first four lines. 

There comes the strangest moment in your life,

when everything you thought before breaks free—

what you relied upon, as ground-rule and as rite

looks upside down from how it used to be.

Those lines remind me of the newness and strangeness and fear that came along with my brand-new life, one where I was sober, adrift, and somehow a father to a baby boy. It may have looked like a disaster — or like I was heading that way — but I never let myself dwell on it too much, because what good would that have done? Live within the disaster, or something more spiritually cohesive.

Another part of that brand-new life was, of course, The Small Bow. And TSB turned 8 this past week, which is pretty incredible.

I don’t have much to add here, other than to thank everyone who keeps reading it. This began as a place for me to write about my restlessness in new sobriety, and then it became a place where others could do the same. 

And now it’s a place where anyone who is struggling, recovering, or investigating “whatever is bringing you down” (which is what we used to say in the meetings) can fix stuff or fail in real time, in front of a supportive shell-shocked audience. There’s healing in there somewhere. 

So again – thank you. Clear eyes, full hearts, etc. Buy a paid subscription if you can.

*****

There Comes the Strangest Moment by Kate Light

There comes the strangest moment in your life,
when everything you thought before breaks free—
what you relied upon, as ground-rule and as rite
looks upside down from how it used to be.

Skin’s gone pale, your brain is shedding cells;
you question every tenet you set down;
obedient thoughts have turned to infidels
and every verb desires to be a noun.

I want—my want. I love—my love. I’ll stay
with you. I thought transitions were the best,
but I want what’s here to never go away.
I’ll make my peace, my bed, and kiss this breast…

Your heart’s in retrograde. You simply have no choice.
Things people told you turn out to be true.
You have to hold that body, hear that voice.
You’d have sworn no one knew you more than you.

How many people thought you’d never change?
But here you have. It’s beautiful. It’s strange. — (Via)

*****

Oh, here are the first demons Edith ever drew.

ALSO: I have an extra assignment for you this month — tell me about your Adderall usage.

Are you still on it? Can you be sober from other substances and rock with ‘em? Have you tried to quit and failed? Let us know.

250-350 words.

[email protected]

SUBJECT: ADDERALL ETC.

Published entries get three free months of TSB Sundays.

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Below, you’ll get the usual recs and rundowns, poems, and tunes. Also, I dug up one of our first What It’s Like interviews from 2019 about a horrific relapse triggered by — you guessed it — Adderall.

Remember — free subscribers: if you can’t afford a membership right now, let me know, and I’ll hook you up. But if you can, please buy one so I can give away more to those who need it most. Thanks, let’s keep this going. — AJD