Reminder: June Check-Ins are due either today or tomorrow, for publication in this Tuesday’s TSB. Reminder: 200-350 words. Tell us how your recovery is holding up. Send to: [email protected] SUBJECT: JUNE CHECK-INS. Thanks. — AJD

JUST TO CHECK IN…

We had Dopey’s Dave Manheim on the podcast again (his third appearance) and, as I tend to do, anytime we talk, I begin to question my bona fides as a real drug addict, especially compared to his story.

As I’m inching toward 10 years of sobriety, I look back and see my drinking and using as very junior varsity compared to him, or plenty of other people I’ve met in the rooms who’ve had some real brushes with death and misery that make any of my bullshit seem, well, seem like bullshit. Like how bad was I really?

I definitely had a reputation as a party guy, but that was mostly in New York City, among people in the media industry, which is full of louts and lushes anyway.

Most of the other people in my life, say, friends from high school, never saw anything too out of the ordinary with my behavior when it came to substances. Mostly, I’m sure they sensed a troubling weirdness about me. That, plus the chaotic way I lived my life — jumping between different apartments, long-term relationships, and jobs — made it probably safe for them to assume I was destined to take a hard fall at some point. I was immature.

When I finally committed to long-term treatment in 2015, I was convinced I was overreacting. That maybe, once some other parts of my professional life snapped together, it would be easier for me to be one of those adults who drank two IPAs or fancy scotch during the holidays and would know when to stop before things got messy.