Just to check in: I finally returned to Los Angeles this week, but I haven’t fully settled back into my normal routines. The family vacation was restorative, but also discombobulating, especially since I pretty much abandoned everything — meetings, exercise, meditation, and journaling — for more than a week. I did some half-ass one-minute meditation app breathing exercises on the toilet or before bed, but not much.

On Friday, I went to my first in-person meeting in what felt like months, but in reality it was about 11 days. I didn’t share at all, mostly moped and tried to lock into some of the spiritual voodoo I needed, but I was blocked. The meeting’s focus was on the Sixth Step – about being entirely ready to have God remove all defects of character – and after it ended, I admitted to some of my friends there that I’m “defiantly clinging to all my defects of character” at this time until further notice. They patted me on the shoulder to remind me I wasn’t alone, but it didn’t feel that way. I walked home feeling sunk and not at all spiritualized.

Sometimes readers email me to ask about the grades that I give my sobriety each week — why one week it can seem like a real downer, yet I’ll give myself a “4.5/5,” and why another week I can have a gratitude list of fantastic fun and mini-financial windfalls, but I’ll have a 1.5/5. (I now realize that many of you who aren’t paid members probably have no idea what my self-graded recovery routine is, but now’s your chance to see what the hype’s about.)

The scoring system isn’t precise or consistent, but it is heavily weighted by how much I allow myself to take an hour or two per day to stay connected to my loopy spiritual side. You know, if I’m doing the on-your-knees prayers, 15-minute meditations on a cushion in a quiet place, that usually means I’m solid despite any storminess in my personal life. So, what to do this week?