I generate ideas for The Small Bow mostly during long walks. Usually unencumbered by a phone, sometimes with a dog, sometimes muttering out loud to the hills and the trees. Anyone who passes by me can see that I’m off in another world. They might be afraid of the muttering, but I have grand plans for what this place could possibly be. Most mutterers are full of grand plans.

I developed the “What It’s Like…” series on one of these walks. “Do Buddhists kill ants?” was another one. Never pulled that one together entirely, but I’ll try again this summer when the ants return to the kitchen counter.

Sometimes I’ll do prep for upcoming podcast interviews, too. I full-on talk to myself when I do that, and it always ends with me interviewing myself. “I was holding on too tight when all I needed to do was let go!”

I interviewed Elizabeth Gilbert on Friday. It went fine, I guess. Needed more prep.

I had a new idea for a feature about internet addiction, too. The first thing I do when I get home is start emailing several writers to get the story moving. “GENIUS idea!” is how I sometimes present it. I say GENIUS, but I realize that most of these ideas won’t become huge blockbuster stories. But then again, are there any blockbuster stories? Besides that gooning one.

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On my last walk—Monday, I think—I wasn’t outlining Small Bow stories. I was thinking of stories I’d love to write if I didn’t work at The Small Bow. Mostly about ICE. The kind that could get me into trouble if I’m not careful.

Here’s one: interview MS-13 members to see if they’re concerned about ICE. Or any gang member in America. You know, what’s their strategy to elude capture? Now, picture talking to them like meteorologists interviewing shoppers before a storm: What’s your survival plan? Got enough toilet paper and milk? That sort of thing.

Maybe they never think about ICE and truly don’t care. That’s my bet.

I’d like to see that story make the Instagram rounds, all the hearts and yellow fists carrying it through the algorithm like a raft of needed supplies. But I don’t do that kind of story anymore.

*****

I reread Thomas Merton again this week, and one passage lingered in my mind as I walked through the hills and trees in search of ideas.

“The world is the unquiet city of those who live for themselves and are therefore divided against one another in a struggle that cannot end, for it will go on eternally in hell.”

Wow, right? I’m not even sure if my interpretation is correct or relevant to the unrelenting malevolence in Minneapolis, but “unquiet city” has a righteous bang to it. Print it on a T-shirt or paint it on a banner, then hang it from some rafter where it’s not supposed to be. There’s more electrifyingly relevant stuff in that Merton passage, but I didn’t memorize all of it.

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Here’s another story idea: “The ICE Offboarding Scholarship Program.” Let’s find a rich person willing to get $100k to some of the more desperate, less demonic ICE members to leave the DHS forever. Encourage them to hang up the boots, bomb vests, and neckerchiefs. Put it all down and walk away free again. Let those damaged men make a financial decision requiring a conscience and offer a way out. Bring them into the light.

*****

In most 12-step meetings, they observe the 10th tradition, which asks attendees to refrain from discussing “outside issues” during the meeting, as they claim this can tear the room apart.

What is an outside issue? An outside issue is anything outside of my relationship with God through sobriety. The tenth tradition is rather clear in its application to A.A.: we have prospered by having no opinion on outside matters and by not being drawn into controversy.

For the majority of the time I’ve been in recovery, the major outside issue that causes the most grumbling is Trump. No one wants to bring that type of energy into the room. It actually happened in my home group last Sunday, when a newcomer shared that he disliked Marty Supreme because the main character was such an asshole that he didn't want to root for him. “And I think we have enough assholes in the world right now, especially the person who is in charge.” I heard the groans—or maybe it was my groan? I didn’t want to think about the world when I sat in that seat. And I loved Marty Supreme.

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Another story idea: Are there ICE-only recovery meetings? There is an app that tells you where all the Spanish-speaking ones are within ten miles of your location.

My next question: Does ICE wait outside those meetings to detain people? Maybe some of them remember what that place has given them, maybe they’ll stay away. They should have whistles on hand at the Alano Club in Atwater, just in case.

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I can’t do much to save the world today. What I can offer to you, to anyone who needs it, are daily meetings that welcome outside issues. This new chaos won’t end soon, but it will end. I firmly believe that. Too many good-hearted people are pushing back now.

Until then, you should have a place to refresh your program with a group of like-minded people who won’t grumble if you share simply, "I don’t know what to do about this world anymore." That counts as service and might help someone stay in the fight.

Swing by if you can. We have them daily. I host on Tuesdays if you want to dive into the shit with me. Let’s hope nothing else goes wrong before then, but we’ll get through it regardless.

The rest of my recovery rundown—and my recovery program definitely carried me through this week—is after the paywall jump. — AJD